


Like Herding Kittens

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Case Fic, Cuddling & Snuggling, DGHDA Beginner Bang 2019, Developing Relationship, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Past Abuse, Self Confidence Issues, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 04:06:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18957529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: After Wendimoor, the agency tackles its first case, try and locate a missing millionaire cat, and Dirk and Todd try and manage their feelings for each other.





	1. The Case of the Cat

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Languor and Lourdesdeath for betaing this, TnC for encouraging, and a huge thank you to my amazing artist kimbus-the-whimbus. Link here: https://kimbus-the-whimbus.tumblr.com/post/185134714752/you-didnt-see-the-way-he-looked-at-me-my-part

Todd hesitated in the doorway of the agency, trying to work out what had changed since the previous night. Farah was at her desk, and Dirk was running late, which was to be expected, but his latest challenge was playing the endless game of where-is-Mona. Getting it wrong could lead to a minor injury, an offended Dirk, or Mona thinking she wasn't wanted, and none of those were desirable. He smiled a little when he spotted a rainbow umbrella resting against Dirk's desk. It was due to rain later, and Dirk never remembered an umbrella.

He walked inside, smiling at Farah.  
"Hey Farah. Morning Mona." The umbrella didn't respond, but Todd was fairly sure that she was happy about what was happening. Three months ago, if you had told Todd Brotzman that his life would involve recognising the emotions of an umbrella, he would have stared blankly at you and wondered exactly how much of the Perryman Grand's bar you had helped yourself to. Now his life was better. Utterly fucking weird, and ridiculous in all kinds of ways, but better.

Just as he thought that, the source of the ridiculousness came barrelling into the agency, a tray full of drinks in his hands. Today, Dirk was wearing a bright blue jacket and matching tie. Todd rolled his eyes slightly, wondering where Dirk was even sourcing these outfits. He would’ve blamed Mona, but she was already accounted for. 

Dirk raised the cups he was holding.  
"One black coffee for Todd!" he called out, placing it on Todd's desk. Todd glimpsed at it, took a sniff, and smiled fondly when he saw it was a caramel latte. Dirk accused him of only drinking black coffee because he felt it was cool, and there was perhaps an element of truth there. So Dirk had started to bring him a mix of different things, and claim that they were black coffee. Farah, so far, had allowed this little charade to pass without comment.

"One chamomile tea for Farah." Dirk handed it over. "One strawberry milkshake for Mona-" he placed it on the floor beside the umbrella, "and one raspberry ripple shake with sherbet for me."  
"Ugh." Todd wrinkled his nose at that, and Dirk held it towards him.  
"Try it."  
"Uh, no thanks." Todd shook his head, backing away. If he was honest, this wasn't even particularly bad for Dirk's drinks. He didn't even know where Dirk found half of what he chose to consume, and he refused to try any of it on principle. Dirk frowned slightly, but took a seat at his desk, pausing and looking at Mona.   
"Just let me know if you need a saucer okay?" he told the umbrella. There was again no response, but Todd had realised over the past few days how much it mattered to Dirk that people acknowledged his adoptive sister, and treated her like a person even when she wasn't human shaped. He could do that.

Lydia had been right - every one of them at the agency was a weirdo. But it was good, to have this together. Farah had invested some of her fortune, and they were making a success of it. In the past week and a half since they had opened, they hadn't actually had any cases, but a fair amount of money had come in. Mostly because Dirk had a habit of picking up notebooks, mobile phones and lost pets that had reward money attached, but the previous day the door had opened and a fifty dollar bill had blown in. So they hadn't technically been working, but there was a lot of paperwork to fill in, a lot of plans to make, and a reputation to build.

Today, Todd was working on plans for insurance, which consisted of imagining the most ridiculous things that could occur, and then inputting them into a spreadsheet alongside a reasonable excuse. It was a very odd piece of work to be doing, but given that prior cases had already involved soul swapping, parallel worlds, and zombies, they wanted excuses to be in place already. He and Farah both felt that the insurance wouldn't take well to the kind of issues that Dirk had happen around him. Dirk had pouted, but was at least now coming up with more ridiculous suggestions.

"Have we got lightning on there?"  
"Lighting's there," Todd told him, scrolling up to check.  
"What about a lightning bolt?"  
"That's what lightning is." Farah pointed out.  
"No." Dirk shook his head, frowning a little as he tried to concentrate. "Like, a metal one that sticks out - like the shapes Suzie Borton made."  
"Uh..." Todd typed it in, trying to think of a reasonable explanation for that particular occurrence. 

He was saved by the bell above the agency door ringing, as the door was pushed open.  
Dirk grinned in a frankly concerning fashion towards the woman who was standing there, and Todd made a mental note to speak with Dirk about not terrifying customers.  
"Hello and welcome to Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, where cases are solved with arguable efficacy. Now, what can we do to help you today?" He held his hand out.

The woman who stood there was a pretty blonde with wide blue eyes. A few years back Todd would definitely have flirted with her. As it was now, he ignored her, turning his attention instead to the insurance form he was wrestling with. 

Farah, the one person in the agency who seemed to have a vague clue of how to handle things, swept over and guided their client to a chair. Dirk sat down opposite her, holding a notebook and tapping a pen against it as he waited for her to start speaking.

She looked around, wrinkling her nose slightly.  
"Look, I wouldn't be here, but my neighbour said you found her cat. Ugly little thing, three legs and half a tail."  
"Tinkerbell!" Dirk answered, smiling brilliantly. "Oh she was a sweet little dear-"  
"Yeah, well." The woman crossed her arms. "I've lost my husband's cat and I've got to get it back."  
"Is he very upset?" Dirk asked as Farah spoke.  
"Do you have a picture of it?"  
"No picture," she answered. "It's a black and white cat, blue eyes, uh, there'll be a picture online or something."

"And your husband?" Dirk persisted, frowning a little. Todd wasn't sure what he'd noticed, but assumed that Dirk in his Dirk-like way had found something was wrong and wanted to sort it out.  
"Matthew is dead," she told him. "Car accident three months ago."  
"Okay," Farah answered. "We can look for the cat, does it have any favourite toys or-"  
"I don't know," the lady snapped. "It was a cat. Is a cat, hopefully. He called it Cleo."

"I... don't know how much we can help if you don't have a picture or any information-" Farah explained, but Dirk was frowning a little to himself. The woman sighed.  
"Look, I'll pay you. Hundred thousand dollars if you get it back."  
"That's... that's a lot," Todd muttered to himself, leaving the spreadsheet of excuses to pay attention to the conversation.  
"Yeah. Well, the bastard left it most of his money."  
"The cat?"  
"The cat." She glared angrily. "Oh. You've got one of them."  
Todd looked over to find that where previously they had had a rainbow umbrella, they did indeed have a particularly fluffy grey kitten.

"She's called Mona," Dirk informed their client with a proud smile. The client snorted at him slightly, but Mona toddled her way over to join the conversation, and Dirk picked her up onto his lap.  
"Will you look for it or not?"  
"I'll look for her."   
"Good. Here's my card." The woman handed over a business card. "Call me if you find something. And find it soon." With that, she swept out.

Dirk blinked at them, patting Mona behind the ears.  
"Um." He hesitated. "We've got some work then."  
"She probably drowned it," Todd muttered. Dirk gasped, covering Mona's ears protectively.

Farah clicked her mouse a few times, then shook her head.  
"I don't think she did. Looking at this, if the cat dies, she loses the money and it goes to a cat home." She showed them a picture. A man with red hair stood holding a small black and white cat against his chest, as she leaned against him. He was smiling softly, and she was beaming a little too brightly, like the rich wives who had always stayed in the penthouse suites.

Dirk frowned, leaning in to look at the picture.  
"There's something wrong there," he murmured, holding Mona up so she could see. She mewled indignantly, escaping his grasp and attempting to climb inside her milkshake. Todd poured it into a saucer before anything went wrong, patting Mona's fur.  
"You think we can find the cat then?"  
"I think we should try," Dirk answered, smiling at the three of them. "Our first proper case! The agency is open for business!"

Todd nodded, wondering where Dirk had got his enthusiasm from.   
"We didn't even get her name."  
"Oh, apparently it's Annabelle Hawkens," Dirk answered, looking at the card.  
"As in... Matthew Hawkens?" Todd sat up a little straighter.   
"You... know him?"  
"He designs amps. The best amps that are out there." Todd clicked through to find the information - sure enough, apparently Matthew had died in a traffic accident a few months before, leaving his estate to his cat, Cleo.  
"Excellent assisting Todd." Dirk grinned, and Mona purred loudly.


	2. Storm From A Teacup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art in this chapter found here: https://kimbus-the-whimbus.tumblr.com/post/185134714752/you-didnt-see-the-way-he-looked-at-me-my-part

Todd's relief at having a proper case was short-lived. Yes, they had work, which they had been given by someone who was able to pay, and that was a relief after waiting for a while. But there were several problems. Dirk, who had always been able to find any lost animal, was apparently clueless about how to search for them.  
"They just turn up!" Dirk argued, pausing with his teacup halfway to his mouth. "I don't look for them, they seem to look for me."  
"That might not be enough this time," Farah pointed out, and Dirk considered.

"Have we considered putting up missing posters?" Todd suggested desperately.  
"Don't be silly Todd, cats can't read." Dirk sipped his tea again, staring at the printouts that Farah had created. "So, Cleo is a very wealthy cat. I don't suppose she could have bought a private island somewhere? No, that wouldn't-"  
"Dirk?" Todd said, his voice a little harsher than he had intended. "Focus."  
"Fine, I'm just saying that if she's bought an island-"  
"The cat has not bought an island," Farah interrupted. "I'm... almost certain about that."  
"But almost isn't the same as completely!" Dirk answered smugly. "Although, I'm not sure how a cat would sign a lease."

"It was in the media that this cat had inherited," Farah answered.  
"So you're saying you think she was probably stolen?" Dirk checked, and Todd huffed slightly.  
"I certainly think that's more likely than her buying an island of her own volition," he muttered, half under his breath.  
"Okay." Dirk sighed. "I just thought that it would explain a lot of the evidence." 

Dirk was distracted from further discussion as Mona attempted to climb up his leg. He reached down and picked her up, patting her gently. Todd paused, eyeing Mona contemplatively.  
"Could we just hand them an identical cat?" he asked, only for Farah to shoot a glare at him.

"Absolutely not!" Dirk snapped. "That would be dishonest, and anyway I'd miss Mona, and it's wrong to get her to be things she doesn't want to be, isn't it? Isn't it?" His last words were accompanied by him rubbing the cat on her stomach, as she mewled and wiggled around delightedly.  
Todd squeezed the bridge of his nose, taking a slow breath and then attempting a smile.  
"Fine, we won't give them Mona," he muttered. Mona mewled louder, seeming to agree.

"So, aside from Todd defaulting to dishonesty, does anyone have-" Dirk began, before suddenly falling silent. Todd put down his cup, looking over at Dirk.  
"What was that?" he asked.  
"I just… I just mean, well, it's been rather a trait and… I mean you're different now and things it's just only natural that under situations of extreme stress and aggravation you would default back to..." Dirk's voice trailed off, and he swallowed slightly, curling in on himself. 

Todd got to his feet, not wanting to listen to this particular conversation any longer. As he stood, Dirk flailed backwards, his limbs reaching out and knocking his teacup to the floor where it shattered into tiny pieces. Mona hissed, jumping off Dirk's lap and running to hide beneath the sofa, mewling to herself before turning into a bottle cap and rolling further back under it.

Dirk looked between the sofa, the broken cup, and Todd, backing away slightly.  
"I...I'm sorry," he murmured, his gaze blank. There was something in his expression which frightened Todd, that told him that right now, Dirk wasn't here at all. He didn't know where Dirk went, but it wasn't somewhere Todd wanted to be. He was frightening Dirk, and Dirk's reaction was frightening him. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down his racing heart.  
"It's okay Dirk, we can buy another one-" He reached out towards him, and Dirk cringed back, tensing and then standing up straight, his head still bowed a little, unnaturally silent.  
"I'm sorry," Dirk whispered, the words seeming to echo strangely in the still air. Todd wanted to reassure him, but he didn't know what he could say, wasn't sure Dirk could hear him at all. He took another step towards him.

A desperate, terrified sound escaped from Dirk. Todd couldn't handle it. He hadn’t been doing anything wrong, and had been insulted and then treated as though he was a monster. He couldn't cope with that. He took a deep breath before turning away and walking towards the door, grabbing his phone off his desk so they could contact him if need be. It was clear his presence was only making things worse. He'd frightened Dirk, and now he was just upsetting him by being close.  
"Todd?" Farah called out, but he shook his head, not answering her.

He stepped out in the street outside, almost expecting to find the cat that they were looking for sat there. She wasn't, so after a moment he pushed those thoughts aside and walked onward. He walked aimlessly, not wanting to think about the way that Dirk had looked at him, anger and fear tying themselves in knots in Todd's stomach. He'd upset Dirk.

Dirk had upset him. Dirk had made him feel like he hadn't moved on, that he hadn't learned from past mistakes. And then when he'd wanted some air, Dirk had hidden from what he'd done by being afraid. Todd wanted to scream. Nothing in this situation was fair.

Todd was willing to admit that he had very much been an asshole in the past. Repeatedly. But today he hadn't been, and he was still being treated like that, and he found that upsetting. It was as though nothing he did would ever be good enough to put his past mistakes behind him. He expected that bullshit from Amanda, and from his parents. Even from Farah. But Dirk was the one person he thought was on his side. Who knew that he was trying to improve.

Dirk was a large part of the reason Todd wanted to be a better person, so him ignoring Todd's attempts to be better hurt him. Todd balled his hands into fists. There was a time he'd have gone to get drunk, to get into a fight, and try and hurt someone. But he'd grown. He wasn't that person any more.

Reluctantly, with hands shaking, he pulled his phone from his pocket. There was a text from Farah, but he couldn't be bothered to read it. She'd call if it was urgent. He hesitated, before opening a conversation with Amanda, which mostly consisted of stupid pictures of the Rowdy Three.  
_Can you call?_ he messaged, half expecting her not to answer. He stared at the screen for a few moments, trying to calm himself down.

The phone began to ring.

His fingers trembled as he pushed the button to answer the phone.  
"Hey."  
"Hey loser," she greeted him, but she didn't sound angry, which was a relief. He didn't think he could cope with her being angry at him as well right now. He took a slow deep breath to steady himself, and she laughed.  
"You going to tell me why you're calling?"  
"I ..." he hesitated. "I stormed out on Dirk."  
"What?" she asked in shock.

"He was... He was being a jerk," Todd admitted, resting his hand on his forehead and taking a slow, calm breath. "We're looking for a cat."  
"A cat, okay."  
"It's a millionaire." Todd paused. "Uh, it inherited someone's money. Long story. Anyway, so, we're looking for this millionaire cat that we think has been stolen. And I said we could just... give them another cat."

"They might notice."  
"Mona," Todd said with a sigh. "I suggested we could give them Mona. I was just... kidding, you know? Just..." He took a breath to steady himself and then continued. "So I said that, and Dirk accused me of _defaulting to dishonesty_ and tried to justify it ..."  
"So you stormed off?"  
"So I got up, he panicked and broke his cup, Mona disappeared under the sofa, and then Dirk was being... weird. And I left."

"Left, huh?" Amanda might have been on the other end of a phone line, but Todd could visualise her arched eyebrow perfectly. "So you left, and Dirk-"  
"Dirk is with Farah, and Mona if she comes back out from under the sofa. I thought I could... just get some air. You didn't see how he looked at me."

There was silence from the other end of the phone, and Todd could feel himself tensing, before Amanda spoke.  
"Look, Todd. It's not... you were an asshole before, and you know it. And Dirk is... Dirk's a lot of things, and I like him, but he is _weird_. Like, grew up in a secret laboratory weird. You can tell him when he's being an ass, but you have to give him a bit of a free pass sometimes. Same as the guys. He's probably trying to do stuff right, but he's got no idea how to even pretend to be normal. So like, go easy on him."  
"Okay, so that excuses what he said but-"  
"Dude," Amanda interrupted him. "Dude, look. He's definitely been hurt before, okay? The guys... they don't like talking about before, and I don't want to make them. But they get nightmares, and I'm betting he does too, and you should know if you're dating him-"  
"We aren't dating!" Todd yelped, nearly dropping the phone in shock before staring at it in disbelief.  
"Sure. Well, he has nightmares okay? And maybe your response to him being an insensitive dick is to yell, or throw something, but that ...what he got before wasn't that. What he got before wasn't something nice, or manageable. If someone was mad at him, they'd take it out on him not the furniture. So just _try_ and be patient. And it sucks, okay?" She sounded a little softer now, more open, and Todd wished he was close enough to hug her, to protect his sister from the world. "It _sucks_ that they've been through this shit, and we can't just make it go away. We can't make them forget what they've been taught, even if we want to. We just have to be there for them. So Todd?" 

"Yeah?" Todd blinked back tears, wondering when his sister had grown up so much. Probably when he'd been too busy avoiding growing up to notice her.  
"Go and apologise. Even if he was in the wrong, you scared him. And you didn't mean to, but if you tell him you're sorry you frightened him, maybe he'll feel a bit safer. And..." She hesitated, and then laughed softly. "Give him a hug. And tell him I agree with what he said." With that, the line went dead.

For a moment Todd considered calling her back, but he knew that she wouldn't answer. She'd given him her view, and even if it wasn't like old times, it was good to hear from her. And she was right. Even if he wasn't at fault here, apologising might help put things back on the right track, and he wanted that.

He squared his shoulders, and walked back towards the agency. 

No sooner was his key in the lock than the door was being opened by Farah, who looked a little concerned.  
"You came back, good, that's good. Okay, so Dirk's sitting in the waiting room, and Mona's in with him - she's being a bottle cap still, but one problem at a time. Do you think you could talk with him? He thinks you hate him and won't listen to me when I tell him you don't."

Todd nodded, managing a slight smile at her in an attempt to express his gratitude, and then he walked into the waiting room. Dirk was sat rigidly on a sofa, but as soon as Todd arrived he got to his feet. Todd could see tear marks on his face, even if Dirk was no longer crying.  
"Todd I just want to say I'm extremely sorry I -" He fell quiet when Todd held up his hand, and Todd took a moment to look at Dirk and try to calm him down before speaking.  
"Dirk, I'm sorry," he said honestly. "I didn't mean to frighten you, and Amanda agrees about..." he shook his head. "Look, I didn't mean to scare you. I never mean to scare you. But I did, and that... I'm sorry." He reached out to hug Dirk, and for a moment Dirk was tense before he relaxed into his embrace. Todd rubbed Dirk's shoulders, stretching up to try and cradle Dirk against him. "You're doing great."

Dirk's arms wrapped around him.  
"Well, you're doing great too Todd. You're the best assis-friend I could ever ask for."  
Todd smiled and nodded, then glanced over at the blue bottlecap that was also on the sofa.  
"Mona, I'm sorry that I frightened you. Dirk and I are going to go out and buy a new mug later, you can come along if you'd like."

There was a pause, and then the bottlecap changed to a pale green.  
"What does that mean?" Todd asked Dirk, who miraculously never seemed to have a problem speaking Mona even when Mona was some kind of inanimate object.  
"It means she'd love to go," Dirk reassured him. Awkwardly, Todd reached out and patted his fingers on the plastic.  
"Thanks Mona." 

Dirk grinned, rubbing at his face to wipe away any remaining tear tracks.  
"Cup shopping sounds fun."


	3. A Shadow and A Light

Taking a bottle cap cup shopping was definitely not how Todd had planned to spend his day, but it was how he was spending it. He was glad that the earlier tension around Dirk had relaxed a little. Todd was still hurt that Dirk had said what he had about Todd defaulting to lying, but Amanda was right - Dirk didn't mean it maliciously. He could try and treat him with patience, because Dirk deserved that.

Dirk walked along beside him, smiling to himself. In his hand was Mona, still a bottle cap. He fidgeted with her as they walked along the street, keeping her close to him.  
"She can feel that?" Todd asked. He already knew the answer, but he wanted to keep Dirk talking.  
"She can. Not in the way we feel things, but... in a way. It's good. And she likes joining in with things."  
"She's a valuable part of the agency," Todd said, and the comment was met by Dirk beaming brilliantly, and the bottle cap turning a pale pink. Todd was pretty sure that she was blushing.

Todd liked the way Dirk smiled when he was honestly happy, the way his eyes seemed to sparkle. Todd felt rather smug about the fact that it was him who had caused that smile.  
"Now," Dirk looked around. "I've seen some interesting cups in this shop over there. There was one that looked like a unicorn, and another that looked like an alpaca."

Todd sighed, but followed Dirk into the shop. He'd follow Dirk anywhere, even when it got ridiculous - which this was clearly about to become. Among the plates and cutlery, Dirk was examining a series of brightly coloured cups. Just looking at him, Todd got the sense that Dirk was going to be deciding for a while. 

"Dirk, I'm going to see if there are any cat bowls," Todd told him. Given that they were looking for a cat, it seemed sensible to have a way to feed it. Regardless, Dirk had a habit of finding strays (or perhaps strays had a habit of finding Dirk) and so it would be helpful to have a bowl for them. For now Dirk had just been placing down a saucer, but Farah always complained that was unhygienic.

Dirk didn't seem to be aware that Todd had spoken to him, busy placing Mona into different cups so that she could explore them. Todd rolled his eyes and walked away. He wandered through the shop, soon finding the cat bowls. The ones which could be customised with names were no good, and nor were the ones with big plastic trays which were sure to be a trip hazard. But he found a grey one with some rainbow paw prints on it. 

It was a bit garish for his tastes, which meant that Dirk was bound to love it. Mind made up, he carried it back, nearly bumping into a man with dyed brown hair with roots growing out. He looked vaguely familiar.

The man stared at him for a long moment, then walked away.

Todd hurried back to Dirk's side.  
"Maybe we should go?"  
"Huh?" Dirk asked, holding up a number of brightly coloured mugs - one had multicoloured flowers on it, and another was stripes of yellow, green and blue which happened to match Dirk’s various jackets. "Which do you think?"  
"I think we should head out. Some guy just gave me a weird look, and I just... let’s get out of here."  
"Which cup should I get though?"  
"Just get them both."   
Normally Dirk would argue, but Todd managed to speak with enough authority that Dirk just nodded, shaking Mona (now a dormouse) from a cup and popping her into his pocket as he walked to the till. 

Dirk looked delighted by the food bowl, and Todd paid for the cups and the bowl, putting them into a bag as Dirk looked around rather nervously.  
"You see anyone?" Todd asked, and Dirk shook his head.   
"Can we go home?" Dirk asked, one hand reaching up absentmindedly to pat the mouse-shaped bulge in his pocket.

Todd nodded, leading the way out of the store, ready to break their new purchases if necessary by swinging them at someone. But no one approached - no one even seemed to notice they were there. They hurried home, and when they arrived Mona immediately turned back into a kitten to test out the new food bowl. It appeared to be met with her approval.

Todd watched her eat, trying to relax. Farah said her goodnights to all of them shortly after they arrived back. Dirk tidied the agency as Todd locked up, and they headed upstairs to their shared apartment. Dirk hated the idea of living alone, and Todd didn't mind him as a housemate, so this had seemed an obvious solution - it kept the rent down, and meant Dirk was close to work if he had a sudden epiphany. 

Todd microwaved dinner, and they ate together. It felt normal, and Todd relaxed. Dirk was an idiot at points, but he was his idiot, and Todd wanted to protect him.

The two of them eventually headed up to their rooms, Todd watching videos of concerts on his phone as Dirk tried to sleep. Todd had never been very good at sleeping and his condition didn't help matters, but he'd drift off eventually.

He found himself thinking back to the call with Amanda. She'd mostly just pointed out his foolishness, but it meant that they had talked, honestly. And she didn't seem to hate him any more, not so much. He knew things weren't going to go back to what they had been, but he had hope for the future. Maybe he wasn't so bad at the older brother thing.

He yawned, linking Amanda to a band he suspected she'd like. He guessed he should probably sleep soon.

There was a sudden noise from the next room, a yelp which cut off after only a second. Todd was on his feet in an instant, grabbing the brass knuckles and running into Dirk's bedroom.

Dirk was sat on the floor, tangled in sheets. He had his arms wrapped around himself for comfort, and was rocking a little where he was sat, whimpering to himself.   
Todd crouched down beside him.  
"Dirk?"  
"Hey," Dirk greeted him, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Sorry. I lost… I thought I was back there."  
"You're safe," Todd promised.  
"Did I wake you? I'm sorry if I woke you, I didn't mean to-"  
"You didn't." Todd helped him from the sheets, hugging him for a moment. "You need sleep."  
"I don't feel particularly tired actually. I rather suspect if I rest those dreams will return, which appears to be a rather convincing argument for not-sleeping if I am honest."  
"You can come share with me?" Todd suggested. They both had a double bed, so there was space for Dirk there, and he wanted to keep him company.

"Thank you-" Dirk looked up at him a little nervously. "I mean, if you are sure that it won't be a bother that might be a good idea."  
"I don't mind," Todd promised. Dirk nodded, picking up a teddy bear. As he carried her through to the other room, she became a nightlight, glowing softly to herself with no idea that she really should have been plugged in to work.  
"Is it alright if Mona-"  
"It's fine," Todd agreed. The light might bother him a little, but right now his priority was keeping Dirk safe and comfortable.

Dirk followed him through into Todd's own room, pausing for a moment in the doorway.  
"You're sure you don't mind this?"  
"I don't mind," Todd promised. "If it helps you sleep-"  
"I think I'll feel much better if I open my eyes and you are there. You... you help a lot."  
Dirk's words were accompanied by a fragile smile, and Todd could feel his heart twist. But he was doing this to help Dirk, because Dirk was afraid. He tried to focus on that, rather than any other traitorous ideas that his mind was suggesting. Dirk was a friend in need of help. 

They lay down in bed, a sensible distance apart. Todd watched as Dirk closed his eyes, drifting off almost immediately now that he wasn't alone. The light from Mona played over Dirk's features, and Todd felt entranced. After a few moments of watching, he tore his gaze away, watching muted videos in an attempt to resist the urge to look back at Dirk and smile. Dirk was his friend, and needed his help. He had to remember that.


	4. Breakthroughs Big and Small

Todd made himself sleep, even if he would have preferred lying awake and watching Dirk, because it was an invasion of Dirk's privacy to watch without Dirk being aware, and he refused to do that. Dirk had been through enough monitoring in his life already, and Todd couldn't allow himself to be like that, was sickened by the thought of it. So he tried to sleep, and eventually his exhaustion won out and he drifted off to rest.

He woke the following morning to find that during the night, Dirk had shifted closer to him, his arm thrown possessively across Todd's chest. Todd thought of how he'd seen Dirk sleep before, stiff and frozen, and decided he much preferred this. If they had been a couple, Todd would have taken the opportunity to kiss him awake. But they weren't, and so reluctantly Todd squirmed out from beneath Dirk.

"Todd?" Dirk asked as he was midway through his extraction. "Are you alright?"  
"I'm fine," Todd answered. "Just need to get up."  
"Oh." Dirk sat upright instantly, untangling his arms from Todd's. "Of course, I'm sorry. You must be very tired. I do appreciate your help from last night." Dirk's speech was directed to Todd's collarbone, as for whatever reason Dirk refused to meet Todd's eyes. "I'm sorry to have been a bother."   
"You weren't a bother Dirk," Todd told him honestly. "You... you are always welcome here, if you need that."

Dirk smiled brilliantly at him, and then stretched, his pyjama top riding up a little to expose a thin sliver of skin. Todd looked away, excusing himself to go and shower. By the time he was clean, Dirk had already gone down to the office, and was busy researching around their latest (and so far only) case.   
"So," Dirk greeted him with a smile. "It turns out that Annabelle Hawkins had only recently married Matthew-"  
"Golddigger?"  
"Quite the opposite," Dirk explained. "They’d known each other since primary school, apparently. But she'd been married to someone else for a while, and then when they got together again the wedding got delayed twice. It only happened after they'd reached an agreement to allow the cat to inherit the majority of his estate." He looked back at the screen. "It needs to live for at least a year after his death, barring undiscovered medical issues. And it went missing three months after he disappeared."

"He died in a car accident," Todd pointed out. "She told us that. And the news agreed. Are you telling me something else happened?"   
"It seems suspicious his body wasn't found," Dirk answered, as Farah swept in.  
"His body wasn't found?" Todd echoed, and Farah nodded.  
"His car was found in a lake. There was evidence of blood inside it, a broken windscreen and the like, and the door was open. The blood contained his DNA, but there were some strange readings - probably because it was diluted."  
"So we think he… didn't die?"

"Exactly," Dirk said smugly. "What if he faked his death?"  
"Isn't amnesia or something more likely? Or a kidnapping or something? I mean, he was a billionaire, he wouldn't have walked away from all that."  
"Probably not amnesia," Farah answered. "Head injuries don't work that way. But perhaps someone wanted to take his fortune, and when that didn't work they tried to kidnap the cat."

Todd sighed, and went to get some coffee, deciding he couldn't face all this early in the morning. He found Mona was curled up in the kitchen, back to being a grey kitten and having found herself a sunbeam to rest in. He reached out, patting her fur as he waited for the machine to provide him with the caffeine he desired. Mona purred fondly, stretching out and then rolling over for further attention which he was glad to provide.  
"You've got the right idea," he told her. "Avoid all this stress and just be a cat."  
She leaned up to lick his fingers, her tongue rough. Todd added a tea bag to one cup, then carried his coffee through, along with a cup of coffee for Farah and Dirk's still brewing tea. Dirk got very fussy about the time the teabag should be removed, and he didn't want to cause that particular debate today, so he just handed the cup over. Dirk flashed him a bright smile, which Todd couldn't help returning.

"So what do we do now?" he asked, and Dirk smiled.  
"I think we need to interview Annabelle." He paused. "And I think we need to do it at her house. Perhaps the two of us could do it, while Farah does some spy ninja stuff and sees what’s really going on."  
"I'm not a spy-ninja," Farah muttered halfheartedly, taking a sip of her coffee. Mona trotted past, her tail shaped like a question mark.  
"You can help Farah with her spy-ninjaing," Dirk told Mona happily. "You do that, and then Todd and I can do our own interrogation, just like proper detectives."

Farah looked uncertain, and Todd couldn't blame her for that, but Dirk flashed her a double thumbs up and started making a note of some questions that he could ask. Todd couldn't help finding it endearing the way Dirk actually did try and detect things, rather than just wait for the universe to throw things at them. Mona was curled up on Farah's lap now, and Todd smiled at them, before returning to watching Dirk. 

Dirk scribbled down a few more notes, sipping his tea and then looked up to find the others waiting.   
"We should meet her."  
"Shouldn't we call and see if she's in?" Todd asked. Dirk looked at him in confusion.  
"Of course not Todd. If she's in then we're meant to find her and talk to her, and if not then the universe just wants us to have a brief exploration of the premises without any form of interruption."  
Todd considered pointing out ideas such as ethics but he was fairly sure that ethics weren't something that the universe concerned itself with. With a sigh he headed to the car, sitting in the passenger seat so that Dirk and Mona could sit on the back seat and discuss their plans - or rather Dirk could say his plans, and Mona could purr out her approval to his every word. Todd found himself relieved that they didn't have far to go.

At times like this, Mona could be quite frankly a bad influence, encouraging Dirk towards all kinds of chaos that without her support he might back away from. But Todd could tell that the two of them were enjoying talking, so he let it carry on, grateful that Farah was driving. He was pretty sure that he'd crash at hearing Mona's approving purr at the idea of being a lock pick.

The Hawkins Mansion was huge, even compared to the other houses that surrounded it. Todd had known that there was money to be made in the music tech industry, and known that Hawkins amps had been a key part of this, but this was a whole different level from what he had expected. And most of it had been left to a cat.

Farah stopped to allow the two of them to climb out, then drove off to run observation and other spy-ninja things that she would refuse to admit were in the least spy-ninja like. Todd watched her drive out of sight, and turned around to find that Dirk was attempting to scale the gate with no more success than he had with the fence during the Patrick Spring case. Rolling his eyes, Todd walked over to the intercom and pushed the buzzer. A red light crackled to life, and a moment later turned green as the gate opened, and Dirk nearly fell off as it swung inwards. He regained his footing, and wandered down the path towards the house in a manner which was clearly attempting to be dignified. 

Todd fell into step beside him.  
"I saw that," he teased.  
"It worked as a method of entry."  
"I just pushed the doorbell."  
"Oh." Dirk pouted a little, but the pout was short-lived, replaced with a smile as they approached the main building. "Now, let me take the lead on any questioning, alright? We don't want to scare her."  
"Okay," Todd didn't bother pointing out that if anyone was going to scare her it would probably be Dirk. Dirk was, after all, rather inclined towards enthusiasm at inappropriate points.

They reached the mansion and a young woman stepped out to meet them. She had a folder under one hand, and was slightly out of breath as she reached them, but her hair and makeup remained immaculate. Dirk stepped forwards to introduce himself.  
"I'm afraid that Annabelle is in a meeting with shareholders at the moment. I'm Stephanie, her PA, I can show you around if you would like."  
"Was she expecting us?" Todd asked, and Stephanie shook her head.   
"Not exactly, but she did say that the detective she hired to find Cleo might visit with his boyfriend, so-" The rest of her sentence was lost to Todd, who was momentarily disoriented to hear that he had been classed as Dirk's boyfriend. Dirk looked equally startled.

After a few seconds Dirk was the first to recover, clearing his throat and smiling at Stephanie.   
"So what was the relationship like between Annabelle and Cleo?"

Todd had expected Dirk to ask about the relationship between Annabelle and Matthew, but he supposed that would have made far too much sense for Dirk to do.  
"Well, because of the terms of the will she had to ensure that the cat was well looked after," Stephanie answered. "She seemed to be more patient with it after - she never particularly liked it before Matthew's accident, but..."  
"But when it was the path to his estate she grew more patient?" Dirk asked, just as brightly as he would ask anything else. Stephanie looked around awkwardly.  
"She just wants the cat to be found and returned home, and we believed you were the best people to go to for help with that."   
"We are undoubtedly the best people." Dirk nodded. "I once found eleven lost cats on a single afternoon, and I wasn't even looking for them."  
"Did you leave out some tuna?" Stephanie asked, and Todd wasn't entirely sure if she was joking or not. Dirk laughed anyway, and shook his head, and started to talk to her about previous cases. Todd let Dirk's words wash over him, glancing around for any kind of clue. The corridors they were led down were all immaculate, full of priceless ornaments full of symbolism lost to Todd. Something about the house bothered him, but he couldn't work out what. 

Stephanie sat them down, then went off to continue with her work. Dirk looked at Todd curiously before speaking.  
"Well?"  
"Well what?" Todd sighed, wondering if Dirk knew what it was that was bothering him.  
"You're a fan of Matthew's work."  
"I use his amps-"  
"Exactly. Now, judging from what you know, is this his house?"  
"Huh?"  
"The photograph we found of Matthew, Cleo and Annabelle, the corridors had different artwork and were a different colour," Dirk explained, and Todd nodded, suddenly seeing what Dirk meant.  
"So you think we're in a different building?"

"Don't be ridiculous Todd, they couldn't knock down this building and build a new one. No, I think that she's redecorated."  
"Because she killed him?"  
"Maybe," Dirk muttered, and before he could say any more the door opened, and Annabelle walked in.  
"Have you found it?"  
"We've not found her yet," Dirk answered firmly, hands crossed in his lap.  
"Keep looking. Trust me, this house is the one place that stupid little furball isn't. I want her found as soon as you can, do you hear me. I won't put up with any nonsense-"  
"We just wanted to clarify the timeline," Dirk said quickly, launching into a discussion about the case.   
"When was it you noticed Cleo was missing?"  
"Stephanie told me she hadn't seen it for a couple of days the day before I hired you. My friend had mentioned you found her cat."  
"Could we see the room Cleo was staying in?"  
"She isn't there." Annabelle sighed. "Is there anything else, or then will you leave me in peace?"  
"That'd be all," Dirk promised.

Stephanie returned, summoned by Annabelle tapping at her phone, and led the two of them through a complicated walk around the house, until they reached a small side room. There was a food bowl, and a water feature which trickled water down a waterfall into a shallow pool. There was a scratching post, and a couple of small cat toys. All the walls and the carpet had been padded in order to prevent damage.  
"This was Cleo's room. I was meant to check on her and change the food, but..." She hesitated. "Sometimes I left the door open."  
"You let her escape?" Dirk questioned.  
"I just... it's not a very big room. I just thought she'd like to explore," Stephanie explained. "I know I shouldn't have, but don't-"  
"We won't tell anyone," Dirk answered. "I don't think you opening the door had anything to do with Cleo's disappearance at all." With that, he turned to Todd. "I've seen everything I need to. We should go home. I've almost solved the case."


	5. Like Herding Kittens

Todd hesitated, unsure what it was that Dirk had noticed, but he followed him outside, and almost immediately Farah drove over to them, lowering the window.  
"Well?" she asked, and Dirk shrugged.  
"I think I'm almost there, but I want to go home now."  
"Get in."

Todd climbed in and Dirk followed, Dirk lapsing into silence, occasionally looking at the article loaded up on his phone. Todd kept glancing over at him, thinking about what had been said. He'd been called Dirk's boyfriend. He wondered how many other clients would make that mistake, thought of what Amanda had told him - that he should know Dirk better if he is _dating_ him. He wasn't dating Dirk. Dirk wasn't into men, as far as he was aware. Or if he was into men he wouldn't be into Todd. He'd be into suave English men with names like Tarquin or Olivander. 

Todd looked out of the window, trying to stop himself being angry at fictional individuals, as Dirk continued to look at the photograph of Cleo, Annabelle and Matthew. He was sure that Dirk could see something there which had escaped the rest of them, but he didn't know what it was.

They got back to the agency, and Mona lay onto the floor as a brightly coloured carpet. Dirk sat down on her obligingly, and Todd and Farah sat down on the sofa.  
"You've solved the case?" he asked Dirk. Dirk hesitated, shrugging slightly.  
"Not quite. It's more... I think I know how the case can be solved." Dirk frowned. "I'm just not sure what is the right thing to do."

"Solve the case, get the money, never have to see that awful woman again?" Todd suggested. Dirk nodded, his fingers busy tracing spirals across Mona.  
"If you're worried about the cat, she has to look after it to inherit," Farah pointed out.  
"And Stephanie did seem to actually care about Cleo," Todd agreed, and Dirk nodded slowly, then shook his head slightly and turned to look up at them.  
"So, what shall we do about food tonight. Does anyone want Chinese food? I want Chinese food."

***

The four of them sat around a table. Mona liked the crunchy seaweed that came with the meal, happily eating an entire silver carton by herself while in human form, as the rest of them shared their own orders. Throughout the meal, Dirk kept glancing over at Todd, then looking away. It was starting to annoy Todd, but he didn't want to challenge Dirk. He knew from past experience that any challenge would be met with absolute denial ( _No Todd, I wasn't looking at you, I've never looked at you in my life_ ) and he couldn't face the inevitable arguments that would be bound to follow. It was better to just feign obliviousness than argue with Dirk. Even at the best of times his thought process could be like herding rather hyperactive kittens.

Dirk went to wash up the plates, and Farah glanced over at Todd.  
"Did he seem weird to you?"  
"A bit," Todd agreed, wondering if it was the case thing, or whether he was simply distressed at the idea of Todd being his boyfriend. Todd didn't think the thought of dating him was that upsetting, but there was clearly something bothering Dirk, and he had no idea what else it could be.

Returning from washing up, Dirk looked between them, leaning down to pat Mona who was once again a kitten.  
"Does anyone want to watch a film? A _movie_ even?"  
"Do you want to tell us what's wrong?" Farah asked, and Todd could already tell Dirk was going to close down. He looked at her a little coldly.   
"There's nothing wrong Farah. I just thought that a movie might be nice, but if we're tired perhaps we should turn in." He hesitated slightly, then turned to Todd.  
"I understand if you've decided to rescind the offer from last night."  
"What?" Todd frowned, and Dirk looked down a little awkwardly, biting his lip.  
"You were kind enough to say that I could share your bed if the need were to arise, and you obviously... You don't have to."  
"I should go," Farah interrupted, before beating a hasty retreat. Todd couldn't help feeling a little envious of her. He wasn't sure that this conversation was going to end anywhere he wanted it to end up.

"What do you mean?" Todd asked, having embraced Farah and wished her a good night. Dirk locked the front door, and then returned to him.  
"I saw how you looked when she said you were my boyfriend. It bothered you. If you don't feel comfortable sharing a bed, we can avoid doing it."

Todd turned to him, only just able to hold in a burst of laughter.  
"You thought I was uncomfortable?"  
"You've been acting strangely ever since. I don't think you're homophobic, regardless of whether or not you are yourself interested in men, so that implies that I am the problem - that you find me so repulsive that the thought of my being your boyfriend distresses you. I don't want to cause you that distress. So you can rescind your offer, and there will be no hard feelings at all. We can just continue being friends - I hope, that is, that it hasn't stopped -"  
"Of course I want to be your friend, Dirk," Todd interrupted. "You're being stupid about this. It's not that I don't want you to be my boyfriend. It's..." He hesitated, and then shrugged. "It isn't that, alright. It's late. We should go to bed."

For a moment it looked as though Dirk was going to argue, but then he nodded, squaring his shoulders and following Todd up to his room. He hesitated, then went to his own room, returning with an actual, non-Mona, nightlight.  
"If you don't mind?"  
"I don't mind. Where's Mona?"  
"Oh, she's being a kitten on the couch, I didn't want to disturb her," Dirk said, but he sounded a little distant. Todd tried to push his concerns aside, climbing into what he was beginning to consider as his own side of the bed.  
"Todd?" Dirk asked, once they were both in bed. "What did you mean when you said... it wasn't that you don't want me to be your boyfriend?"

Todd took a moment to unpick the number of negatives in the sentence, then sighed slightly, not wanting to admit the truth but knowing Dirk deserved to know, especially if he would be worried otherwise.   
"I want you to be my boyfriend Dirk," he said, and Dirk nodded slowly. There was something strange in his expression, almost a hint of fear, and Todd immediately worried he had overstepped. "You don't have to be my boyfriend though. And you don't need to be here if you aren't comfortable-"  
"I'm comfortable, thank you," Dirk interrupted, a little frantically. "No, I am very comfortable, thank you. I am quite happy to be sharing this with you as your boyfriend if that is what you want, so please lets just put this all aside for now. You're comfortable, I'm comfortable, there is nothing more to worry about."  
"Uh-huh," Todd agreed, hating the way Dirk got when there was something preying on his mind, but also knowing that he couldn't just shake him and make an explanation fall out, even if that was tempting. Dirk would talk about what was wrong at his own pace, and until that happened, Todd just had to be supportive.

"So if you're my boyfriend?" Dirk began, sidling a little closer. Todd rolled his eyes, but he held out his arms, tucking himself up against Dirk's body. If the previous night was anything to judge it on, they were going to end up in this position anyway, this was merely speeding up the process. 

Dirk cuddled up against him, and Todd smiled a little to himself.  
"We can talk in the morning?" he suggested. He was tired, and he didn't want to say the wrong thing.  
Dirk nodded, running a hand down Todd's side to stroke at the skin of his hip, pushing his t-shirt up a little. Dirk leaned in, pressing a kiss against Todd's collar bone.  
"Dirk!" Todd yelped, moving back a little. It wasn't that he was prudish, he was just tired, and shocked by Dirk being quite so forwards.  
"What?" Dirk asked, blinking at him innocently. Todd glared.   
"What do you think you're doing? I'm tired and we only just started dating, didn't anyone teach you you should ask first?"  
"No?" Dirk shrugged a little. "You're my boyfriend. I like you, I want to spend time with you, and if we... do that, then perhaps we can ... perhaps you'll let me stay a little longer." There was nervousness now, and he was curling up into himself, the way he did when he was afraid.  
"You... you don't need to do that Dirk," he told him, and Dirk seemed to pause, to listen. "We can see what feels good later, whatever works for us. But you don't have to be my boyfriend to stay in my bed, and you don't need to sleep with me to be my boyfriend."

Dirk nodded, giving a slightly nervous laugh, the kind that grated a little.  
"Sorry, silly of me really, just got a little carried away with it all-"  
"Have you had boyfriends before Dirk?" Todd asked, even if he didn't want to, because he needed to know. Dirk shrugged.  
"A couple when I went to university, and another one or two when I've just been... well, moving around. Never lasted long, but... I'd like it to last with you, I think."  
"I'd like that too," Todd agreed, swallowing the bitterness that built in his chest. Just because he was worried and angry after what Dirk had said, that was no reason to take it out on Dirk. It was clear that had happened often enough in the past. He refused to continue with it.

"I'm not going to hurt you Dirk," he said firmly, meaning it with every fibre of his being. Dirk nodded, looking at him. When earlier the glances had been afraid, now he seemed to be really looking at him, gazing into his eyes and approving of whatever it was that he could see within there.  
"I know," Dirk whispered, and he leaned in. Todd closed the gap between them, their lips brushing in a chaste kiss. Dirk pulled away after a moment, a smile on his face, his body more relaxed than it had looked before.  
"Thank you."  
"Any time," Todd promised. "I won't ever hurt you."

"Do you have that photograph of Matthew with Cleo?" Dirk asked, sitting up straight in bed suddenly, switching back into work mode. Todd yawned, but flicked through his phone until he found it, handing it over. Dirk grinned at him, taking a moment to look at it closer, and then nodding.  
"Look at his arm."  
Todd leaned in, reaching to zoom the image in closer.  
"I can't-" he started, but then he noticed there was something strange with the shading.  
"Is that bruising?" he asked, and Dirk nodded, kissed his cheek, and did a triumphant wiggle.

Todd groaned, falling back against the pillow.  
"I want to go to bed."  
"You're in bed," Dirk pointed out. Todd smiled fondly.  
"I want to _sleep_ then."


	6. Reflections

Todd woke up to find that Dirk had shuffled closer in his sleep, his arms and legs wrapped around Todd's body. There was a part of Todd that wanted to complain about being used quite so much like a teddy bear, but the rest of Todd quieted that, enjoying being held by Dirk. Dirk was here, with him, because Dirk wanted to be. Because Dirk was going to be his boyfriend. Dirk liked him, and Todd liked him back. He couldn't be happier about this.

Their conversation from the previous night continued to echo around his mind, and it bothered him - but Dirk would talk about that when he was ready. Todd wasn't going to be the kind of person who pressed Dirk for information about something which was both personal and a topic Dirk wanted to avoid. Normally the challenge was getting Dirk to be quiet, and if he didn't want to talk about it Todd was determined to respect that. But it was hard, when he woke up to find himself entangled in Dirk's embrace. He wanted to hold him close, protect him from the world, but it didn't work like that.

Reluctantly, he attempted to wiggle free from Dirk. When that didn't seem to have any affect, he tried to do so a little more forcefully. Dirk just tightened his embrace like an overly-affectionate squid-creature, and nuzzled against Todd's chest. Todd reached out and stroked his fingers gently across Dirk's back.  
"I need to get up Dirk."  
"No you don't," Dirk mumbled into his shoulder. "You're comfortable, You should stay here and be my assis-friend-boy-low."  
"Your what?" Todd spluttered.  
"My assistant-friend-boyfriend-pillow," Dirk explained triumphantly. "I feel like this is your true calling."

Todd snorted but attempted to push Dirk away.   
"Dirk..."  
"Cuddles."  
Todd rolled his eyes, knowing Dirk was ridiculous. He embraced him back for a moment, before pushing him away once more.  
"Let me go and I'll make pancakes."

Dirk sprung away as though he had been burned, and raced into the bathroom.

Todd sighed, took a deep breath, then headed into Dirk’s room to use Dirk's en-suite, careful not to trip over Mona who was stretched out beside the stairs in her kitten form.  
"Mona," Todd warned gently. "People will fall over you if you're there,"

She curled up a little, so Todd shrugged it off, going to the kitchen to make the breakfast he had promised, his mind still racing with what had happened. Dirk bounced downstairs to join him a few minutes later, his arms wrapping around Todd's waist, and this felt right. Todd leaned into it for a moment, then stopped to swat Dirk away when he tried to steal some of the pancake.   
"They aren't food yet."   
"But they smell good..." Dirk whined, nuzzling into his shoulder.  
Todd rolled his eyes, holding out knifes and forks.  
"Go set the table or something," he ordered. Dirk laughed but took the cutlery, heading away. Todd finished cooking in the relative peace, placing pancakes on the plate and walking over to the table. He looked up at Dirk.

"Any leads on our case?"   
"Not yet," Dirk admitted with a shrug. "I'm sure one will appear soon. That's how these things work." He glanced over at Todd, and then grabbed the blueberry syrup and began ritually drowning his share of the pancakes underneath a flood of flavoured sugar. "What about you?"

Todd hesitated, and then shrugged. His first thought was that what he had to say held no relevance to the case, but then his next thought was that maybe it was important, and unlike Dirk he was in no position to judge.  
"There was a guy at the store, when I was looking for cat bowls, and he stared at me, I don't know why, but I'm sure I've seen him before." He hesitated. "What if he's Blackwing?"

"Don't be ridiculous Todd. If he was Blackwing, he'd either be wearing a mask, at which point you wouldn't see him, or he'd be..." His voice trailed off for a moment and then he smiled a little too brightly. "Or he'd be someone whose face you were hardly likely to forget. It's more likely he was a hotel guest, or a musician or something, from before you met me."  
Todd could at least follow that small piece of Dirk-logic, and he was grateful for it. If Dirk was right, which he probably was, then the man was nothing to worry about.  
"He just stared at me."  
"He was probably trying to work out who you were Todd. You were staring at him just as much."  
"Oh." Todd nodded, and ate his breakfast quietly, trying to ignore Dirk reaching for the syrup a second time.  
"I guess that's sensible," Todd conceded, and Dirk beamed at him brightly.  
"You might not believe it Todd, but I can be sensible sometimes. Now, I'm going to do some reading about our client's life, because that feels like a proper, detectivey thing to do. You can do me a favour by seeing if you can work out who that man was, if it's bothering you." Dirk smiled at him brightly, adding yet more syrup to the dregs of his breakfast, then went to the office, leaving the plates behind.

Todd's first thought was to make some unkind comment about Dirk's apparent belief in the existence of a plate cleaning fairy, only to realise the truth of the matter - that Dirk had not had to do his own washing up in Blackwing, so hadn't learned better. That was a discussion that Todd would put aside for another day, not wanting to face that yet.

He did the washing up, and headed down to the office to find that for once Dirk was actually trying to get on with his work. He was sitting with his headphones on, staring at the screen with a look of intense concentration that Todd was almost tempted to call cute. He didn't call it cute, of course, because the two of them were both grown men and admitting Dirk was adorable was not something he wanted to do outside of the privacy of his own mind.

Dirk for once didn't look up as Todd approached, which meant that whatever it was that had caught his attention, pushed him so that he was actually concentrating. Only when Todd stood next to him did Dirk jump slightly, noticing him for the first time.  
"Ah! Todd, yes, of course you're Todd and I do appreciate you being Todd, it really is rather wonderful of you." He glanced around a little. "Is there something you want?"

Todd braced himself against the avalanche of words, and then shrugged, gesturing towards the screen.   
"You got a break in the case?"  
"Perhaps." He showed him some footage, as his headphones turned into a bracelet around Dirk’s wrist. "This was taken from a nearby surveillance camera watching the gas station parking lot. Well, this man here..." He showed him, and Todd paused. The man there was wearing jeans and a hoodie, trying to keep his face away from the cameras - but he was attempting to avoid the cameras on the house, not the ones at the gas station.

The man was, almost undeniably, Matthew Hawkens.  
"When was this filmed?" Todd asked, and Dirk smiled at him.  
"Four days ago. The day the cat went missing."

"So ..."  
"Well, my first thought was a plan involving long lost twins, or possibly time travel. But if it was twins, I don't see why the other twin would be bothered about someone's cat, and as we've already seen time travel is a fixed loop although from the end we're approaching it at to some extent our actions aren't predetermined although they are according to the views of the -"  
"Dirk," Todd interrupted firmly. "Look, time travel gives me headaches. Can we just talk about what's happened rather than ...Well, that."  
"Of course." Dirk smiled. "Sorry, I got a little carried away there really." He shrugged. "The detail of it isn't so important, because what matters is this. I don't think it's a time loop. Or a lost twin, or a particularly pet-fond zombie. I think that it is Matthew Hawkens, and that means he came back from the dead to steal his own cat, a cat that he had made immensely wealthy." Dirk looked at Todd. "Now, the Ancient Egyptians worshipped the cat goddess, Bastet, but I somehow doubt that Cleo is her direct descendant - if nothing else she's often shown with a human body, and Cleo doesn't have that. So for now we are forced to assume that Cleo is a normal cat, and yet one Matthew Hawkens, dead for two months, is willing to return for. Why do you think that is?"  
"I saw a movie where there was a galaxy on a cat's necklace?" Todd suggested, and Dirk stared at him, and then shook his head.  
"I don't doubt that you saw that, but let’s try and remain within the realm of the possible. From my experience people who come back from the dead seem to be a little more… single-minded than our friend here. I suspect that his death was not quite as complete as we had been lead to believe, and for some reason..." Dirk spun around in his chair, looking up at Todd with wide eyes. "I saw bruises. If he was hiding from someone... so he faked his death, but he missed the cat..." There was such hope in his eyes at that moment, and Todd smiled, leaning in to nudge his shoulder.  
"Hey Dirk."  
Dirk grinned at him.  
"Did it!"

Todd nodded, then paused.   
"So where's he gone now?"


	7. How to Face Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Title from First Things First by NeonTrees)

"I.... hadn't thought that far ahead," Dirk admitted, seeming to deflate slightly. "I just... realised he was alive. I mean, he's wealthy, he can afford to hide somewhere, even with taking little with him, he could have an expensive watch, or-"  
"Stephanie," Todd interrupted. "She was meant to be cat sitting. If anyone was going to get the cat out to someone-"  
"Then she could do it."  
"You said her opening the door had nothing to do with the cat's disappearance," Todd pointed out.

"I said that when I thought Cleo had been stolen. If Cleo was less stolen and more returned to her rightful owner, then Stephanie's our prime target. She cares about the cat, and he could have paid her-" Dirk reasoned.  
"So we find Stephanie?" Todd suggested.   
"We find Stephanie and ask her for the truth. Explain we don't want to hurt Matthew or Cleo, and we're happy to lie about what has happened, but we need to know."  
"Maybe we should drop it?" Todd suggested, and Dirk sighed.

"We _can't_ drop it Todd. It doesn't work like that. We took the case, and now I have to solve it. Even if we emigrate to Australia... no hang on. We're in America, I've never been particularly good at geography, um. Even if we emigrate to... I think there's just an ocean opposite us. Maybe Mexico? Or... I don't even know. But the point is, now we are on the case, we can't get off the case. Hell, I could end up on the moon, just avoiding this case. And probably aliens would abduct Cleo and take her to meet me."

Todd reached out to pat Dirk on the shoulder, seeing that he was getting himself into a state by picturing cats in space.  
"Hey, it's okay. We'll solve the case, get through to the end, and then we'll work things out."  
Dirk nodded, leaning in and shyly kissing Todd on the cheek.  
"Thanks. I've... I have tried running, before. It's never ended well for me. The universe doesn't like it when I stop acting according to plan."  
"It's alright." Todd squeezed his hand. "You don't need to run. We'll talk to Stephanie, and go from there."

"Thanks." Dirk smiled, and Todd could see the fragility there, but he was leaning into his embrace.   
"Stephanie first, okay?" Todd suggested, and Dirk nodded quickly.   
"Stephanie. If she did help, she's going to be afraid of saying, so we need to be patient," Dirk suggested, as Todd texted Farah an update on the case.

Todd made sure he was the one to drive to the mansion. Dirk was almost buzzing now with excitement at having solved the case, and he doubted that would make his driving any better than normal.

As they pulled up, Farah was already waiting, a smile on her face.  
"Todd said you had a breakthrough?" she asked Dirk. Dirk nodded, before dramatically holding a finger to his lips.  
"I did, but we can't tell anyone, okay? Just let me do the talking, and you two just... I'd say look threatening but... well, Todd."   
Todd cleared his throat and walked forwards to push the doorbell before Dirk could finish that particular sentence.

The gate slowly opened, and Dirk led the three of them inside, approaching the house.   
Dirk stood smartly, beaming at Stephanie when she opened the door.  
"Oh, Annabelle is out at the moment, I didn't realise you'd be visiting-"  
"Actually, Stephanie?" Dirk reached out to shake her hand. "It's you we had been hoping to speak to. I don't suppose you'd be able to step outside and talk to us? We'll only be a minute, and it's vital for solving the case."

"I guess I can do that?" Stephanie answered hesitantly, glancing around before ducking out. "I'm sorry, I've already told you everything I know-"  
"No you haven't," Dirk interrupted. "If you had you would just have dismissed us, not come outside to speak. You clearly know more, and are willing to discuss it- I just want to speak to Matthew."

"Matthew's dead," Stephanie answered, looking at the three of them nervously. Dirk shook his head, and Todd could see the tension in Stephanie's body, the way she bit her lip. He hadn't been convinced before whether or not Dirk was right, but now he was sure about it.  
"I just need to talk to him briefly, and see Cleo. I won't tell Annabelle where they are. I'll help you continue hiding him. But I can't... I can't just walk away from this case. It's not something I can explain, just believe me. If I could, I would do that, but it's not an option that's available. So please. Just help me find him."

"I... I can call him. But I can't promise he'll talk to you."  
"Thank you," Dirk said softly, stepping back as she pulled the phone from her pocket. Todd flashed him a thumbs up.

Dirk did an answering wiggle that Todd had to hide a smile about, and Farah rolled her eyes because endearing though Dirk was, he never quite mastered how to behave when he was on a case.

Stephanie was speaking quietly into the phone, and after a minute she held it out towards Dirk.  
"Hello," Dirk spoke into the phone, trying to sound reserved as he bounced up and down in excitement. "It's good to hear from you. Thank you for being willing to speak to us. I just... your wife... hired us to find Cleo. I'd be interested in meeting with you, privately. Yes... your choice of location... I'd rather bring my friends... just two of them, well, no we can do two. And Stephanie of course. My partner's a big fan of yours-" he flashed Todd a smile to accompany those words. "He'd love to meet you. He's a musician, well, was a musician. Mexican Funeral, you've heard- oh. Yes. Yes, Todd. Oh, I suppose so. Well, he's a lot better now, he's actually quite a nice person. ...No I am a good judge of character, and I'm a good detective. Yes. We'll meet... thank you." He handed the phone back to Stephanie with a triumphant smile, then looked towards Todd.  
"He'd heard of you!"

Todd managed a faint smile, even if based on what he'd heard Matthew's views on him weren't particularly positive. Dirk was clearly proud and that helped quiet the little voice inside of him which always told him he'd done dreadfully. Stephanie was whispering into the phone, clearly organising a rendezvous, and Dirk was bouncing slightly from side to side as the conversation continued. Todd rolled his eyes but couldn't stop smiling at that enthusiasm. Dirk always made him smile - not always intentionally. But he did always make him smile. Stephanie hung up the phone and looked towards the three of them.  
"We've agreed on a meeting point. I can drive-"  
"Oh I could-"  
"She drives," Farah interrupted over Dirk's eager enthusiasm. Todd attempted to convey his gratitude by his eyes. Farah nodded smartly, then patted Dirk on the arm. "Come on. Let's go and meet this guy."

The four of them bundled into the car, and were soon joined by Mona in the form of a cat, sprawling out across Dirk's legs. Dirk frowned slightly, patting her.  
"It's lovely to see you Mona, but really this isn't the best time, we have company-"  
Mona mewled, and the car swerved slightly before Stephanie got it back under control.  
"Do you have a cat back there?"   
"Uh… maybe?" Dirk admitted. "I mean. It's only a small cat. And it was-"  
"It was a rescue. She's only a kitten and she tends to spend most of her time in Dirk's pocket. I _did_ tell him he should leave her at home," Todd interrupted, before Dirk could casually out their shapeshifter. Dirk nodded his agreement, and Todd smiled as brightly as he could.   
"Her name's Mona." Dirk provided this information proudly.  
"Oh," Stephanie murmured, twisting in the driving seat to try and get a better look at her. "Well, hello Mona!"

Mona purred at being greeted, twisting and stretching across Dirk's lap, one paw flailing to pat Todd's thigh. Todd rolled his eyes, but didn't push her away as the car continued on down the road.

They stopped at a small diner having been driving for about half an hour, during which time Mona had experimented with a number of different fur colours. She had at least turned back into grey when the car stopped. Dirk picked her up tenderly, and then paused. "Mona, sweetie..." He ruffled his fingers through her fur, then looked towards Todd. "Here, you can hold her, I need to talk to Matthew."

Todd found himself unceremoniously handed a bundle of cat. Dirk grinned, then leaned in and shyly kissed his cheek before Todd could protest. Todd found himself smiling. Todd considered complaining about this, but was concerned that Dirk might take the complaint as a hint not to continue to kiss him. So he stayed quiet, even if Dirk was being a little bit manipulative.

They climbed from the car, and Dirk and Stephanie walked towards the diner. A man was sitting inside, looking rather tense. He kept looking around, and there was a cat carrier at his feet. Todd almost didn't recognise him.  
"It's you!" he said, walking forwards to get a closer look at the man’s face. It wasn’t Matthew’s, but it was familiar. "You were the man in the store, but you-"  
"I got plastic surgery," the man explained, signalling for them to sit down and be quiet. "I... I brought Cleo. Please..." There was a desperation to his voice, and Dirk flinched slightly, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

"We aren't going to tell anyone where you are," Dirk swore. "I just needed to see you both, so that I can consider the case closed… it’s hard to explain, just trust me that this was necessary."  
The man nodded, and curled up slightly on himself. Todd thought back to what he had read about the man - how he was eccentric, a recluse. He'd run away from his old life, and even though Dirk hadn't exactly intended to, Dirk had dragged him back.

"I just wondered if you could explain, in your own words, what happened?"  
"It... it was Annabelle," Matthew answered, glancing at Stephanie who sat beside him. "She... she's always been bossy. It was useful, when I had to get to meetings and manage things, and I... I really did love her. I didn't mind her inheriting things, I wanted her happy, but... well. She... she got angry. Mostly my fault, I admit-"  
Todd felt Dirk's hand grip his beneath the table, squeezing a little too tightly. He squeezed back, keeping Dirk quiet so the man could explain his story.

"It got... bad. It hurt, a lot of the time. And I realised that I couldn't keep living like this. But she wouldn't divorce me, and I just... I just wanted to get out. I thought this would work. That I could start again, and leave her the money, but..."  
"But you couldn't leave Cleo."  
"Cleo was my best friend." The man shrugged, glancing down. "I couldn't let her get hurt. The change in the will was to give me some time to get settled, to sort out a house and work out a fresh start, and then go back and fetch her... but..." He hesitated, looking around. "We ... we should get a drink."

Farah waved over the waitress, and once four coffees and a tea had been ordered, Matthew continued.  
"I mean, I wasn't planning to just steal her. I was going to get another cat. I was going to leave it there, and then it would have a good life with Stephanie and Annabelle, and the will would still be valid because no one would look that closely at the cat. But... when Stephanie explained how little Annabelle cared about Cleo, I couldn't leave another cat there. You... probably think I'm stupid."  
"No," Dirk said softly, and he leaned against Todd. "I think you were scared, and when you're scared, you make desperate choices. You cared about Cleo, and you didn't want any other cat feeling unwanted. You were trying to protect them. That... that makes sense." He fell silent as the waitress returned with their drinks.

Todd took his drink, letting Mona climb into Dirk's lap. His hands now free, he wrapped an arm around Dirk's shoulder, silently reassuring him. Dirk took a shuddering breath and continued talking.  
"No one should be hurt. No one should be so afraid that they think pretending to die is a good plan, and no one should be made to feel like that because of someone they love. I'm sorry that happened to you." Dirk smiled sadly. "Now, I meant it when I said I could leave you in peace now, if that's what you want. I can find some lie to tell Annabelle, and Stephanie can go back to work - we could even look for a different cat if you wanted. But... I'm not sure that is actually what you want, if you think about it."

Matthew looked up at him nervously, but didn't argue. Todd squeezed his hand, and Dirk took a deep breath and carried on.  
"We'll find a way to hide you, if that's what you want us to do." He smiled at Matthew. "But if that's not what you want us to do, we can help you with that as well."

"I..." Matthew hesitated, reaching down to pat the carry case at his feet which had grown a little restless. "I want to get away from her."  
"That's okay," Dirk agreed. "You've already got away from her, and you can stay away."  
Todd shifted uncomfortably, and he could see that Farah looked uneasy as well. Dirk took a deep breath and continued.  
"No one here is going to make you talk to anyone about what happened. But what I will say is that I think you would be a good role model... listening to Todd, a lot of people look up to you in a big way. So if you are able to stand up, that would show people that it can happen to anyone. But if you can't? If you need your energy to be spent on staying alive with Cleo and trying to move on, that's alright as well."

"What if..." Matthew hesitated. "People won't take me seriously."  
"They will," Farah began, and Dirk shrugged.  
"Not everyone will. That's a risk you'd have to take. But some people will. You don't have to make a decision today. As far as I'm concerned, I found Cleo, I'm off the case. I get to walk away from it. But you don't. You have to keep living in her shadow, and whatever you need to do to move past that? Well, that's up for you to decide."

"I'll think about it," Matthew answered, and Dirk nodded, before leaning in.  
"I don't suppose I could pat Cleo could I?"  
Matthew glanced around the diner, then shrugged and picked up the carrier, pulling out the cat carefully and setting her on the table, where she glanced around and then curled up with her tail wrapped around herself, mewling softly.

Todd squeezed Dirk again, watching as he reached out to pat Cleo, and wondering how much of what Dirk had said had been said for Matthew's sake, and how much had been for Dirk's own. Either way, he was proud of him for saying it.

Farah finished her coffee first, then paused.   
"I suppose we'd better go back Stephanie. Really we should have brought two cars, but I was a little distracted at the time-"  
"I can take you back home," Stephanie promised, embracing Matthew and then walking back out to the car. "You won't... tell anyone?"

"I won't tell anyone. We can work out what we want to tell Annabelle, but she won't know what's happened. No one is going to find out, I promise."  
"Thank you," Stephanie said quietly, going to drive them back towards Seattle. "I know it... I know we shouldn't have lied. But he was desperate, and it seemed like a better solution-"   
"I won't tell," Dirk said. "There's no one in this car who hasn't told lies before, and I've spent a long time running from my past. We all have. Just... we can find an excuse. I hope he gets to be happy now."

"He's got Cleo, and he's no longer looking over his shoulder, I think he'll be happier," Stephanie said honestly, and Dirk smiled to himself, settling back into the car, seeming no longer overly bothered by the case. Todd couldn't help smiling at how relaxed Dirk looked sitting there - utterly at peace with the world, knowing that he had done what he had needed to, but also made the right decision. 

Stephanie dropped them off outside the mansion, arranging to pick up the car tomorow. Todd took Dirk's hand as they walked inside.  
"You said the right thing there, you know?"  
"I mean... I've been trying to hide from Blackwing. It's the same kind of thing."  
"You're safe now," Todd said. "And if I ever scare you... tell me. Or get Farah to tell me. Farah's good at making people listen."

Farah laughed, letting Todd unlock the door.   
"You're right though," Todd told Dirk. "No one should be that afraid. And I'm sorry that in the past you've felt that way."

"It's alright," Dirk told him softly. "I'm not hiding anymore. About anything." He leaned in and gently kissed Todd. Todd kissed him back, and Farah pushed both of them through into the agency.  
"No blocking the walkways guys..." she teased, and Todd couldn't even bring himself to look embarrassed. Not when he was kissing Dirk, and it looked like kissing Dirk would be happening a lot in his future.

Farah gently bopped Dirk on the head, pushing past to get to the kitchenette and make herself a coffee. Dirk sat down on the sofa, pulling Todd down beside him.  
"We should go for drinks later," he announced. "To celebrate." He grinned at Todd. "Did it!"  
"... Dirk you'd better not do that after we have sex."  
Dirk just grinned, and Todd groaned to himself, burrowing his face into Dirk's shoulder.


	8. (Sometimes) You get what you deserve

Dirk was, as always, rather smug about concluding a case - even one that had been disconcertingly normal by their standards. Todd would have complained, but he couldn't help finding Dirk's sheer delight about his success rather endearing. Irritating. Very irritating. But somehow even more endearing than it was irritating, which honestly if you asked Todd was rather unfair. How was he meant to focus in the office when Dirk was just there, with his face, being adorable - and currently cooing over kitten-Mona and her feet. 

"You've got it bad," Farah muttered as she walked over to him.  
"Yeah, but... we're dating now. So it's alright."  
"Do you honestly think the two of you are somehow _less_ sickening now that you've given each other permission to be affectionate at any time of day or night?" Farah asked, but there was a fondness to her eyes as she said it. Todd shrugged, but didn't argue with her logic.

"You want to go out somewhere for dinner Dirk?" Todd suggested. "We could go to a bar, or-"  
"Well, actually," Dirk said thoughtfully. "I wondered if maybe we could order pizza, and we could eat it here, together. And then I get to spend time with you without needing to worry about the outside world, and Farah's here, and we can just be ourselves. And then when we're going to bed, perhaps we can talk about things... um. Things which aren't really talkable about around Farah, no offence intended Farah just-"  
"I don't want to hear the intimate details of your relationship Dirk," Farah pointed out. "You're fine."  
"Thanks." Dirk smiled at Todd hopefully. "Plus that way we get pizza."

Todd already knew he was going to end up giving Dirk whatever he wanted, because he liked making him happy. Because Dirk made him happy, and Dirk was always so pleased by the little things, like getting pizza, or getting to spend time with them, that Todd wanted to encourage him. Dirk had been through enough sadness. He liked seeing Dirk actually happy, because it made him happy as well.

Todd sighed at himself, realising quite how badly smitten he was. He was almost embarrassed by it - only it was hard to be embarrassed when Dirk was so not-embarrassed by who he was, and how he was. Dirk was just a ray of sunshine that Todd still couldn't comprehend having in his life, and he was grateful for every day that he got to spend with him.

Dirk tried to take charge of ordering the pizza, but the combined forces of Todd and Farah stopped that before anything particularly disastrous could happen and soon their regular order of food was placed. Mona was sitting on Farah's desk - still a cat, but now a plushie version - and Farah was on the phone with Amanda. Todd pulled up some news articles about Matthew's supposed 'death', while Dirk seemed almost hypnotised by the fact he could make his chair spin in circles. Todd tried to ignore the faint squeaks from Dirk as it continued to spin around.

This was home. It was something he never could have imagined, and as they waited for the pizza to arrive, he found himself smiling because he had this. All of this, and no one now said he didn't deserve the happiness that he felt. He'd earned it, and he'd grown, and Dirk had been the one to do it.

Farah's phone beeped to let them know that food was close to arriving, and Todd headed downstairs (it was an agreement between all of them that Dirk wasn't allowed to go and answer the doorbell for pizza, just on the off-chance it triggered a case). He clambered back up the stairs holding the boxes, and Dirk grabbed his own. For once though, rather than scurrying off into a private corner to eat his pizza, Dirk sat on the sofa, and patted the spot next to him while looking at Todd. Todd shrugged, and came to sit down beside him, his arms around Dirk.

It turned out that sitting next to Dirk meant the detective was able to steal some of Todd's pizza, but it also meant that he was able to hug him, which more than compensated. Plus he could steal Dirk's pizza back. Dirk attempted to karate chop him away, which had exactly the same level of success as normal.

Farah eventually said her good nights, leaving the two of them sitting side by side. Todd reached out and squeezed Dirk’s hand.  
"You know you don't have to do anything you don't want to, don't you? I'm happy to just cuddle up with you... I'm... I'm more than happy with that."  
"I know," Dirk said softly. "But... I think I do want to. You're... you're different. You were still here, you’ve always been here for me Todd. And I care... I care so much, and I know you care about me too. I can't believe that I've... that I got this lucky. That this... it's like a dream, in the very best of ways." Dirk leaned in, and kissed him softly, and after a moment Todd relaxed into the kiss, because Dirk wanted this just as much as he did. Because they both wanted each other, and he couldn't begin to comprehend how lucky he had become.

Dirk smiled at him shyly.  
"So, bed?"  
"Bed," Todd agreed, getting to his feet and offering a hand to Dirk, helping him up from the sofa. Dirk gripped onto him tightly as he climbed to his feet, rolling his shoulders as he walked towards the bathroom. Todd could see that they'd left the pizza boxes lying around, but they'd still be there in the morning.

Todd hesitated before pulling on his pyjamas, reminding himself that just because they were a couple now there was no reason for him to not dress - at least not until he'd had a conversation with Dirk about how he felt about the pyjamas situation. Todd shook his head fondly, wondering when exactly his internal monologue had started to sound so like Dirk.

Dirk joined him after a few minutes, and Todd paused, looking at him critically.  
"Dirk, do those pyjamas have corgis on them?"  
"Maybe?" Dirk grinned at him, then leaned in to kiss him before he could voice any more objections. Then he threw himself onto the bed with slightly more force than was strictly necessary. The bed creaked under him, and Todd rolled his eyes, but clambered in. Dirk was holding his arms up for him, so Todd took the hint, nuzzling in against his side.  
"Do you want to talk about… well, about what you said before?"  
"What bit? I say a lot of things Todd."  
"I mean... what you said about... me letting you stay. If you did things."

"I mean... I just..." Dirk shrugged. "I'm weird. I know I am. People need a reason to keep me around, and people always... always get angry with me, always leave in the end. I didn't want it to happen with you."  
Todd just held him close, rubbing his back, trying to work out how he could respond and pushing down the protective anger that bubbled within him, because right now that wasn't what Dirk needed. Dirk needed - Dirk deserved - for him to pick his next words carefully.  
"You were right," Todd said softly. "With what you said about Matthew making desperate choices. But you... you were also right with what you said about..." He squeezed Dirk closer. "About him not deserving that. About no one deserving to feel that scared." Todd looked at him, pulling his head back slightly so that there weren't two fuzzy Dirks staring at him, but rather one in focus Dirk gazing hopefully up towards him. "You saved him. And maybe he'll speak out about what happened, and maybe he won't. But you gave him that choice. You let him stay hidden, because you're a good person Dirk - you're so good, and sometimes the world has been shitty and you haven't let that stop you, even when anyone with even the slightest-" he shook his head, and leaned in for another kiss. "Even when anyone with even the slightest sense of self-preservation would have backed down? You keep doing what you think is right. It drives me mad sometimes, but you're you. And yes, you can be annoying. But you're so much more than that. And I never want you to feel you have to hide who you are from me."

Dirk nodded, kissing him gently, then resting his head on Todd's shoulder.  
"I love you," he whispered, and Todd felt a pang in his chest at the fact Dirk had said it first.  
"I love you too."  
"I know," Dirk mumbled. "I know that now." He yawned. "I... I really do want to sleep with you. Only it's been quite a long day, so I'm rather afraid that my sleeping might be more literal and less... euphemistic than I had been hoping."  
"Get some sleep Dirk. It can wait. We've got time."

"Is that a promise?" Dirk asked, sounding both hopeful and quite sleepy.  
"Always," Todd mumbled, leaning to nip at his ear. "But sleep first, then sex, okay?"  
"Okay..." Dirk's arms and legs wrapped around Todd, clinging to him tightly. Todd shuffled until he could at least breathe, and then rubbed Dirk's back until he fell asleep.

***

Dirk never found sleep easy. There were too many bad memories that lay just beneath the surface. Getting a few hours sleep was an achievement for him. He found his body tensing in fear, not sure what was real, and it was that terror that woke him. He opened his eyes, feeling trapped, wondering if somehow there was a straightjacket - and as he opened his eyes, he found that Todd's tousled hair was pressed to his shoulder. Todd was still cuddled up to him, deeply asleep. Dirk took a few steady breaths, waiting for the panic which should come washing over him at any second. 

He took a few more breaths, and the panic still didn't come.

He wasn't alone. He had Todd, and Todd wanted to be his boyfriend. Really be his boyfriend, and cuddle, and all the things that Dirk wanted to do but had always been made to feel like he was asking for too much. Todd was here, beside him, and the fear that was threatening had faded a little, because there was no need to be frightened. Todd was here.

He reached out, brushing his fingers gently over Todd's shoulders. Todd muttered a little, nuzzling closer but not waking up. Dirk yawned, and wondered if maybe he'd be able to get a little more rest. He wasn't afraid anymore.


End file.
